So much pressure!

So today is all about feeling sorry for myself. LOL.

As I had said before, I am ttc #3. I have been at this diligently for 16 cycles. I got prego in sept 09 and lost it and then again in dec. but I guess that was a chemical pregnancy or just didn't implant well.

Now I really feel like this is my month. I have been charting my temps and doing all the necessary things to get pregnant but I POAS for the last three days and nothing. BTW: POAS stands for "Peed on a stick".

My husband wants a baby so bad that I feel like I am failing him. I also want a baby but I can deal with failing myself...I don't like failing him. I am going to see a midwife on Tuesday so if I am not already pregnant she is going to help me with getting on some meds to get things going.

I feel so emotional though. I am tired of timing everything. I had a new daycare kid start today and she is 27months old. She sat on my lap and patted my stomach and said, "There's a baby in there!" It freaked me out! I hope she is right! That would just be great!

Anyways, my daughter has a softball game tonight at six. My son has a chiropractor appt at 4 so I do need to get off the computer eventually and take a shower. Problem is, i don't feel like doing anything. I woke up at 3 am thinking I needed to take my temp. BROTHER!

Sometimes when one thing completely overtakes my mind, nothing else seems to matter. I am doing so many other things in my life like kids and work and sports and dinner and planning two birthday parties and all I think about all day is whether or not I am pregnant. I wish I could make myself stop but I don't know how....

Either being pregnant or AF coming would at least let me know one way or the other. If I am not, then I can move on to the next phase of my cycle.

Thats all for today. I have nothing intelligent to write. I am mad at my body for being difficult and I am mad at my husband for not getting me pregant and then making me feel so bad. I will stop now and be back tomorrow!