Ready for summer

So I am so ready for summer! At least a little sunshine. It is sooo cold outside. Its like winter again.
Havent written in a couple of days. AF showed up and caused me pain, like she always does. I have been interviewing midwives and I think I found the one I like the best but I think I shall do a couple more interviews. Just in case.

Hoping this is my month to conceive. I am just going to relax and take it easy. My daycare is full, kids are playing sports, I don't really have the energy or mind to be stressing over it so I am not going to temp or chart or anything.

We are renting out our basement starting Sunday. We will just have to see how that goes. I don't really want to but its extra money and we aren't using it at all. Hopefully this lady will try to keep to herself and give us our privacy.

Other than all of that life is pretty good. Excited for mother's day. We are having our friends from church over for a bbq so hopefully it will be nice out.

Kids have been doing great in school. Covan came out of his attitude slump so that is nice. I was starting to worry for awhile but I think he will make it, at least through the school year.

Well, see ya tomorrow my little blog....:-)

Im the one weirdo that loves Mondays!

Ya...I know. Crazy huh? Well I just like them. It's the day that everything goes back to normal. Kids are in school, hubby is at work. It's me, my house and the daycare...

I still haven't had a visit from AF but I am expecting her at anytime. I tested this morning and got a BFN. Not really sure why I haven't started since I should have yesterday but not really worried about it.

I have a consult this morning with a midwife. I am pretty excited about that. Hopefully she can help me with acheiving pregnancy.

I also got a pregnancy prediction. Not sure if I believe in all of that but it seemed fun. It says that I should be getting pregnant on this next cycle so we will see.

Kids had a great weekend. Pastor taught about not judging people at church yesterday and it really hit home. My husband and I kept track of how many times we said something critical or cynical or rude about someone and it was horrible! I didn't realize how often and quick we are to judge others. It was a really good lesson and now I have something to work on! Whoo hoo!

This week is going to be completely crazy. Covan has 4 nights of baseball, Hallie has two nights of softball and she has a tournament on sat and sun. Busy busy busy!

It was supposed to be 75 here today but it is looking overcast right now so who knows. I am really looking forward to this nice weather. Hopefully it shows up by afternoon!

For some reason I can't really think of much else to say. Be back tomorrow!

Go Go Go!

Well it's Saturday and I have a few minutes here to write before I have to go to a softball game for my daughter.

My son played his first baseball game of the season and won last night 11-4. They did pretty good. It is so much fun to watch your kids do something they enjoy. It's even better when they are good at it.

Still no AF today I made an appt to consult with a midwife on Monday. Should know by then if I am preggers or not. I feel today like AF is gonna show her ugly head really soon. On top of that, I have a cold. I don't know if it is from being out in the rain last night at my son's game but when I went to bed my throat was all swollen and now I am coughing up stuff...YUCK! Doesn't my body understand that I don't have time to be sick! Usually I don' t get sick but sometimes it starts and I just keep fighting it and usually it works. Maybe once per year I will get sick enough to lay around but no more than that.

My kids stayed at their dads last night and I didn't know what to do with myself. I watched Pay It Forward for the millionth time. Every time I watch that movie it touches me and makes me think how much we can learn from children. There are a lot of good lessons to learn from that movie but this is the one I want to talk about now.

When I look at the way children act and react, it is so innocent. Even when they are being naughty, they have such an honesty about their outlook on life.

For example, yesterday was quite a day, one of my daycare kids took a rock and smashed another one's fingers and sent him off to the e.r. for stitches.... Ya, it was bad. Dealing with the parents of both kids was the worst. But, when my son got home from school I told him what had happened and he started crying. I asked him why he was crying and he said, "It's my fault mom!" I asked him why he felt that way and he said it was because he left the rock outside and if he hadn't, the little boy wouldn't have gotten his fingers smashed.

That makes me think...The sweetness of children. They haven't felt enough hurt in life to be bitter about things that happen. When something like that happens they don't ask, "what did I do to deserve this?" Instead they wonder what they could have done to help it not happen and they just feel genuine sadness and sympathy.

I don't know how many times I have seen something bad happen to someone that probably deserved it and said, "Serves them right" or "that's karma for ya". At what point in life do we go from feeling genuine compassion to being downright unkind and nasty?

Whatever happened to stopping on the side of the road and helping someone with a flat tire or someone that has run out of gas rather than driving by saying, "shoulda gotten gas when the light came on" or "sucks to be you".

Well, gotta go to a game now, I might write more on this later today but my time for blogging is up! LATER!

Yes! Finally Friday!

I don't know what I love more than friday...
I am not really sure why I love fridays so much because I never have a free weekend. I guess it is just because I have my kids home and no daycare kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my daycare kids but they are not my kids so it is nice to have a break.

Today is a weird day emotionally for me also. I guess after four negative preg tests this week I just don't care. Whatever. If I am pregnant then I am pregnant. If not, then hurry up AF and lets get it over with!

My daughter (7 years old) had her first softall game of the year last night and she beat them 25-15. I am pretty stoked about that. My son (8 years old), his first game is tonight. Another game for my daughter on saturday and baseball pics for my son also on sat.

On another topic, my dh slept on the couch last night. That was after I chewed him out for an hour. I feel sorry for him but not really. He left work five hours early the other day and I lied to me about it. I found out from his boss, (which just HAPPENS to be my ex-husband/father to my children). I was mortified and let him in on my feelings for sure. Hopefully he learned his lesson.

But really, why do guys lie about the dumbest things? I mean, the reason he left I will keep somewhat private but I can guarantee you that it was nothing to hide. They make themselves look so guilty and us women so worried but in the end, its usually because they want some alone time or they want to go buy some stupid car part or get their eyebrows waxed but are too embarrassed to admit it.

My hubby doesn't understand why it upsets me so much. He of course turns it around to say that if I wasn't so intimidating then he wouldn't have to feel like he has to lie. I understand that but come on! The way I look at things is if you have to lie about it, then you probably shouldn't be doing it!

Anyways, when I explained to him that if I disappeared for 5 hours and he didn't know where I was and then I lied and said I was somewhere else. He would be upset. He agreed, apologized and slept on the couch so I let it go. I hugged him this morning before he went to work. I am going to let it be and move on to have a great weekend. He really is an awesome guy and an amazing husband. Just acts like he is a teenage boy and I am his mother sometimes. I am sure that he will grow out of that eventually. He is almost 33 though! LOL

I said a couple of days ago that I was going to write about what makes me who I am or Who I really Am.... I just don't think I am mentally ready to write about that. After AF comes or I find out I am pregnant, either one, then I will write about that. Right now I don't think I am ready to write on that topic.

In general I feel pretty good today. No apparent reason other than it is Friday and the sun is shining!

So much pressure!

So today is all about feeling sorry for myself. LOL.

As I had said before, I am ttc #3. I have been at this diligently for 16 cycles. I got prego in sept 09 and lost it and then again in dec. but I guess that was a chemical pregnancy or just didn't implant well.

Now I really feel like this is my month. I have been charting my temps and doing all the necessary things to get pregnant but I POAS for the last three days and nothing. BTW: POAS stands for "Peed on a stick".

My husband wants a baby so bad that I feel like I am failing him. I also want a baby but I can deal with failing myself...I don't like failing him. I am going to see a midwife on Tuesday so if I am not already pregnant she is going to help me with getting on some meds to get things going.

I feel so emotional though. I am tired of timing everything. I had a new daycare kid start today and she is 27months old. She sat on my lap and patted my stomach and said, "There's a baby in there!" It freaked me out! I hope she is right! That would just be great!

Anyways, my daughter has a softball game tonight at six. My son has a chiropractor appt at 4 so I do need to get off the computer eventually and take a shower. Problem is, i don't feel like doing anything. I woke up at 3 am thinking I needed to take my temp. BROTHER!

Sometimes when one thing completely overtakes my mind, nothing else seems to matter. I am doing so many other things in my life like kids and work and sports and dinner and planning two birthday parties and all I think about all day is whether or not I am pregnant. I wish I could make myself stop but I don't know how....

Either being pregnant or AF coming would at least let me know one way or the other. If I am not, then I can move on to the next phase of my cycle.

Thats all for today. I have nothing intelligent to write. I am mad at my body for being difficult and I am mad at my husband for not getting me pregant and then making me feel so bad. I will stop now and be back tomorrow!

Wednesdays! Blah!

Why are Wednesday's so blah?
My to do lists for Wednesdays usually consist of laundry, laundry and more laundry...
Why is it that children happen to wet the bed on tuesday nights? Do they know that Wednesdays always seem like laundry day for mom?

I woke up this morning at 5:20 am. That is when I have my alarm set because I can hit snooze once and then make my hubby get up at 5:30. I then reach under my pillow to get my thermometer to take my temp to chart later in the morning. As I said in my first post, I am actively TTC child #3 with not a whole lot of luck.

Five minutes after I took my temp., my son comes in to tell me that he had wet the bed and had a bad dream. He wanted to tell me all about the dream. I told him to go change and come crawl in bed with me. Are we supposed to discuss bad dreams? I know from experience that when I talk about my dreams, I remember them. If I don't talk about them, I forget them within the same day. My question to myself is: Is it wrong to not let the children tell you what scared them awake? Sometimes I let them tell me and sometimes I don't. Just depends usually on how tired I am.

At 6am Billy (my husband) comes in and tells me to get up and POAS (pee on a stick aka/preg test). So I got up and did that then went back to bed. Don't really know why I go back to bed. Billy leaves for work at 6:30 and I get up at 6:50. He makes a point to be as loud as possible in the mornings and come in and ask me dumb questions like, "Can I use the loaf of bread that is in the refrigerator for my lunch because the stuff in the pantry is gone?" DUH! YOU JUST WANT ME TO WAKE UP SO I WILL TALK TO YOU!

I get a negative on the preg test. Which is expected since I am only 8 days past ovulation. But, being impatient as I am, I want to know as soon as possible. Problem is, that automatically puts me in a sour mood. I HAVE been ttc for 16 months now with two miscarriages!

What is the correct balance of time for a mother? Sometimes I wonder if ttc is unfair to my other children? Should I be obsessing over getting pregnant all the time? Should I be taking them on more vacations instead of paying out of pocket for a midwife because my health insurance wont cover a midwife?
I tell myself that sacrifice is part of being in a family but I still have that nagging question...How much is enough for your children?

What pushes us to get out of bed every morning? In my case it definitely is not money! I have two beautiful children that make me smile, that need me!

I asked Billy a simple question the other day, I said, "What days does my daughter get her hair washed?" Do you know that he looked at me like I was crazy! It was right then and there that I decided my children would NOT live if I wasnt around. LOL

Why do mother's automatically know what needs to be done and when ,but father's cannot. They only get things done if you tell them over and over and make sure they understand that if they mess this up, mom is gonna be very angry!

I was a single mother for seven years and I automatically did everything. Now that I am married, Billy wants to help me with stuff. I have a really hard time letting him. I just know that I can do it faster and more efficiently and it seems more simple to just do it then ask someone else to do it then, risk them not doing it or doing it wrong. People say that I am a control freak and that I need to let others help me but do they realize that it is second nature for me to just get things done?

Are all mom's like this?

My next blog is going to be about: Who am I?
It will talk about not forgetting about your individuality when you are a mother....see ya tomorrow!

Day 1 of catching up with my life!

So, I am just starting this blog today. I have so many thoughts that pass through my mind each day. I just think it will be great to share them. I read so many blogs each day, I am not sure why I haven't started blogging before now.

First of all, I will tell you a little about my life....READY?!

I am 28, married, mother of two and ttc #3. I divorced seven years ago and just remarried Feb of this year. I have a wonderful husband that irritates me daily!

I have a son that will be 8 next month. He brings me so much joy and at the same time, so much stress. I will blog about him later! LOL

My daughter will be 7 next month. Both of my children are May babies. She is amazing, smart, and beautiful. Very easy child to parent.

I am an at home child care provider of between 4 and 6 children daily under the age of 3. I love my job, love being able to be here when my kids get home from school but it can be very stressful at times.

My home is my castle! I take pride in it and love being in it most all the time.

So why am I blogging? Well, like the title of my blog, I feel like life passes by so quickly and so many things happen throughout just one day that I am not taking the time to reflect on these things and write them down to remember them. If I write them for everyone to see, maybe someone will get a laugh or maybe they will feel like they are not the only mom in the world that is running around like a chicken with her head cut off...

Today, I have four kids in my home, my son has a dr. appt at 2 and a chiropractor appt at 4 and a baseball game at 6. My daughter has a softball game at 6 also but it is in a different town. Somehow I am going to take care of four children that do not belong to me, pick my son up from school, pick up my husband's Rx, take my son to the dr. then take him to the chiropractor then make a snack for 15 girls from ages 5-8 and then take my daughter to her softball game. Ex-husband is going to help in taking my son to his game!

Now I sit here and decide if I am ready for my day....
Am I going to be too busy to kiss my husband when he gets home from work? What about my kids, are they going to get their afternoon snack? What about dinner? When and how and who? Do my kids feel the pressure that I feel on days like today? Is that healthy? Is there a way that I can make it fun instead of stressful? Oh, did i mention that I coach my daughter's softball team so on top of going to her game, I am in the dugout telling 15 girls where and when to be where they need to be. All the while, they have helmets on and I have to try to tell them apart and not mix up their names. (We all know that 6 yr olds get offended if they are mistaken for someone else!)

Well...Here's what I think:
I will kiss my husband....at least before bed! LOL probably on our drive to the game.
My kids will get their afternoon snack because I made it this morning and will have it sitting out for them after school. (don't forget to take my son's with me when I pick him up early from school for the dr. appt)
Dinner...Got that in the crock pot already
The pressure, yes my kids feel it but it's life, it's life being a mom! I have to take deep breaths and have as much fun as possible.
The coaching part, so much fun! Better then sitting in the bleachers and wishing my daughter would watch the ball coming at her! LOL
The girls, well I will try my hardest to get their names right and if I don't I will make sure to compliment them a little extra!
Then we will be home around 8 to eat and fall asleep by 9!

This is my first blog...hope you enjoyed...I will be writing more and more....Have a great day!